When I was in middle school I used to get teased a lot about my face because I had really bad acne. And when I got to high school the teasing continued. There was a guy at my school who verbally abused me every chance he got. He and I took Health and PE together and sometimes he would tease me in front of the entire class. He teased me during lunch too. He had bullied me about my weight, my acne, and called me any insulting name he could think of….things like “ugly fat b**ch.

One day after school he had followed me home and started verbally abusing me again. As soon as I got home I started crying. My mom came home and asked me what happened, and I told her. She told me that I needed to do something about the teasing.

I decided to file a formal complain against him at my school. He got sent to the Dean’s office and was forced to apologize to me. The dean wanted to suspend him for the rest of the school year. I told the Dean that suspending he wasn’t necessary, I just wanted him to leave me alone and stop teasing me.’’

I had low self-esteem and insecurity issues about my weight. I felt that I wasn’t pretty enough and no guy would ever want to talk to a fat, ugly, girl like me. I was so surprised that a few guys even liked me in high school. I kept everything inside and never showed my emotions to my friends or anyone. Being depressed, I would come home and cry myself to sleep a lot.

Even though he did finally leave me alone, it didn’t change the fact that he had really hurt me emotionally and mentally. Because of the things he said, I felt he had taken away all my self-respect, dignity, and my pride. Whenever a guy gave me a compliment I wasn’t sure if he really meant it or if he was just saying it as a joke. It took me up to my senior year of high school to get my self-esteem back after what he did to me.

As I got older, I have learned that whenever a person teases another person, it’s because they don’t like themselves so they are trying to feel better by bring someone else down. What they don’t realize is that they are hurting themselves more than they are hurting another person’s feelings. I have learned that I can’t please everyone and I have to please myself.

My mom and sister had always told me that I was not ugly. They told me that I was a pretty girl, to just be who I am, and always keep GOD in my heart. Now that I am older I finally realized what they were telling me is true. I have forgiven him for what he did to me in high school. I finally realize that I am a beautiful woman inside and out. I am strong and I accept myself for who I am. I have put the past behind me and I am moving on with my life.

If you’re a younger girl reading this, here is my advice to you. Always love yourself, just be who you are, always keep GOD in your heart and never let anyone take your self respect away from you.

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My suggestion is simple: Confront him and tell him his behavior is unacceptable and if it continues he’ll be terminated. Keep in mind that even though workplace bullying is not illegal, sexual harassment is and he could be charged.

Warmly,
Judith

You are in one tough position in this situation with your job. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
One of the concerns I have is your health and how you are holding up under this treatment from this man. You have a family to consider and if your health suffers so do they. Does that make sense?

Have you tried talking to this man about why he’s doing this? Does he think you’ve offended him in some way and this is his way of payback? He may feel that you think you are superior to him and he’s not liking how that feels. I’m not saying you have demonstrated any behavior like that, but sometimes bullies feel others think they are superior to them and therefore they become hostitle.

Have you taken this to your boss? I know it’s the boss’s brother causing this turmoil, but he should still hear it from one of his employees. You did mention that over half the staff have left because of him which I’m surprised the boss hasn’t done anything yet.

Your choices are clear: Stay and wait until you’re fired by him or find a new job. A bully is not someone who is willing to change. Please think about your health.

Warmly,
Judith

Hi Susan,
In answer to your questions, is this a form of intmidation?
I don’t believe that his man intended his comment to be intimidating, however his choice of words was very poor. Calling you a “whoosie” because you were taking work home in case the snow storm prevented you from going to work the next day was uncalled for. If he is a high-ranking officer of the company, he should have commended you for taking enough interest to continue to work from home.

I’m glad he apologized. His nervous giggle or laugh is an indication of his embarassment of what he said.

Your being stunned at what he said tells me that this is not normal behavior or every day behavior for this person. Now ,if he exhibited this behavior on a daily basis and called you other names or threatened your job in some way and did this in front of others, then I would say he’s intimidating you. Intimidation is a form of bullying and when done consistently over a long period of time, can and does lead to physical illness, mental breakdown and low productivity of a target in the company.

I wish you well.
Judith

Hi Nike,

Going to work should not be a painful experience. When there is intimidation and psychological abuse taking place it’s time to re-evaluate what is important in your life; your health or the people you work with. Has this been reported to anyone? What has the outcome been? If you have done everything in your power to resolve this you might think about leaving. Sometimes a change in careers is just what is needed to help you find a different perspective in your life. Change is a good thing. Remember none of this abuse was caused by something you did or did not do. You are the target here. Good luck!

Hi Sammie,

My apologies for not getting back to you sooner on this problem. I’m not sure what has taken place since you wrote, but I do remember you were to have a meeting with your manager that evening. I hope everything worked out in your favor at that meeting.

If not……

have you checked with HR on what the policies are with this company on extenuating circumstances with illness? Sometimes there is a leave of absence you can take for several weeks with a doctors prescription for it, without losing your job. You would still have a job, but maybe not the same one when you return. I can’t stress enough that our health is of up most priority. If you are sick you can’t do your best at work and if you work while you’re sick, you don’t have a chance to heal. It can be a vicious circle we put ourselves in. Good luck!