This Story Is Purely Fictional, But It Could Happen To You.
The occasional small innuendos from her department manager started about six months after Laura was hired by the progressive silicon valley technology firm. It really wasn’t anything much at first and not very often. It seemed like constructive criticism, but Laura did take notice of it and made herself concentrate on her job more intently. Her thinking was that she might be getting a little too comfortable and relaxed there.
The next few months saw the verbal “corrections” continue but on a more frequent basis and with increasing intensity. Somehow Laura was finding herself on the defensive more and more from these unwarranted attacks, but continued to be very diligent with her work so she wouldn’t make any mistakes to be criticized for.
That didn’t help her circumstances much because her manager was on her case almost every day now. Sometimes he would even yell at her and call her names that really hurt. You know, stuff like “maybe you just aren’t smart enough to do this job” and “sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to give you a satisfactory evaluation if you keep screwing things up all the time.”
Laura didn’t know exactly what she was doing wrong since she was now double checking everything for correctness. She was working a lot of extra hours off the clock just to be sure everything was as it should be. She even came in on some weekends just to make sure the work she did that week was correct.
The stress was really starting to affect Laura. She dreaded the ride to work every day because she knew that as soon as she got there the manager would start in on her. He would complain about her work and put her down with insults until she was on the verge of tears every day.
Her doctor visits came more often too. She was having episodes of chronic headaches and upset stomach all the time plus her friends and family noticed her crawling into a shell more and more. This verbal abuse went on for so long that she had a complete breakdown which caused her to lose her job altogether.
Laura has since moved on and now has a job she enjoys with nice people to work with. The trauma she suffered from that manager at the technology firm was so devastating that she sought psychological help for almost two years before she could even apply for another job.
Does Laura’s Story Remind You Of Your Circumstances?
Even though Laura’s story is made up, most of us can go back in time or look at our present situation and realize that we were targets of verbal abuse in our workplaces at one time or another.
There will occasionally be co-workers, managers and company owners that you don’t necessarily agree with or see eye to eye on certain company projects or procedures, but when you put this type of consistent verbal abuse in the mix, then the line gets crossed.
Every working adult has known a boss or co-worker who loves making other workers squirm, whose moods radiate throughout the office or factory, causing workers to duck for cover. This persons voice causes your stomach to knot up and your heart rate and blood pressure to go through the roof.
Workplace verbal abuse can come about when your boss or co-workers invade your personal spaces, begin spreading unsubstantiated rumors and just outright harassing you for no good reason. This type of abuse doesn’t always come in an obvious package of ranting, screaming and yelling. It also shows it’s ugly head in under tones used, snide remarks, innuendos, insults made in a “joking” manner in front of others and more. Keep in mind this is still verbal abuse and no one should be treated that way.
First, verbal abuse sometimes starts off in a small way, such as a ”correction” or a small ridicule spoken every once in a while. From there it escalates into correcting you in a loud voice in front of others, downgrading your work, making remarks about your personal life in meetings and much more. Some try to just ignore it, do their job and at the end of the day, go home and try to leave it at work. But left unaddressed, workplace verbal abuse will ruin your health, both physically and mentally and cause you to be unsure of yourself and your abilities. Eventually this type of treatment will run over into your personal life and before you know it…you’re being verbally abusive to your family and friends.
Second, when this workplace verbal harassment continues to escalate on a continuous basis, there is only one thing to do. You need to make a decision that now is the time to take a stand for yourself and put a stop to the abuse once and for all.
Before things go to far and you feel like the harassment is starting to get out of hand, confront your boss or co-worker about it directly. Maybe you said or did something that they have misunderstood or misconstrued. Talking out these issues with your boss or co-worker can, in most cases, be the end of the harassment.
Lets face it though, people don’t like confrontation!
One of the most common forms of delaying confrontation with a verbally abusive person at work remains the old fashioned gripe session. This gripe session entails sharing the misery with others that are also being verbally abused and even though it doesn’t stop the abuse it can make everyone feel a little better and could ultimately lead up to be a first step of response to the abuse.
Experts who study workplace verbal abuse within large organizations like factories or hospitals find that some of these gripe sessions may turn into some pretty effective and organized ways to stop the verbal harassment when several or more workers are united and trust the company’s leadership to hear their cases.
If standing up to the abuser and talking with them one on one doesn’t work and the workplace verbal abuse persists, the next step is to get their supervisor or manager involved in finding a resolution to the situation. Let the supervisor or even someone from the Human Resources Department mediate with the two parties to try to fix the problem to everyone’s satisfaction.
Explain to them what has happened, giving exact examples of how you are being verbally abused (keeping emotions out of it) and make it clear they understand that you tried to go directly to the abuser without gaining any positive results.
Once you have informed the proper people of this abuse, you have done your part and it should be left to your supervisor’s discretion as to how to deal with your abuser.
If the abusers’ constant verbal attacks are serious it may call for their immediate termination. If this is the case, be prepared for some backlash from both the abuser and their friends, especially if your boss or co-worker was well liked.
Sometimes, it’s easier to transfer to another department within your company or to simply get up and leave the company for another job rather than deal with any more workplace verbal abuse.
When you maintain a strong and determined personality, and able to stand up against workplace verbal abuse or any other kind of workplace intimidation, you may just win the abuse game by constantly killing them with kindness, but, if it is too emotionally draining on you, to deal with the abuse on a constant basis, then starting fresh is usually the best choice.
Stop workplace Verbal Abuse From Escalating Beyond Your Control!
With all the different work environments we are exposed to depending on our occupation, some may have a higher percentage of workplace verbal abuse than others depending on the industry.
Workplace verbal abuse is common in almost all organizations to one extent or another. It can be just small innuendos or little statements which ridicule you every so often that may increase in frequency over time. Down to earth jobs like the construction trades might see more instances of workplace verbal abuse than other places like offices or large retail outlets. Nevertheless, it is a common occurence that 80% of workers suffer with in one form or another.
There are several ways to combat this abuse if you are not willing to cope with it anymore and you have pretty much done your best to either ignore or stay away from the abuser. At times it might look like the abuse will never end especially when it continues to escalate in both frequency and severity, but there are things you can do to stop this workplace verbal abuse in it’s tracks.
First of all understand that the perpetrator of this workplace verbal abuse does this because of their own lack of confidence and insecurity. In other words their insecurities cause them to verbally abuse those around them to prop up their own confidence and make themselves look good in both the eyes of their peers and in most cases the company’s management too.
Workplace verbal abuse is something that you will have to stand up to and take control of. When you set your boundaries to stop the verbal abuse, you will, in most cases, see the abuser stop mistreating you and, more than likely, move on to another target. (Remember it’s their insecurities causing the abuse, not you)
In conclusion, a person engaging in verbal abuse in the workplace do so for a number of different reasons, the most common is their own insecurity in their job performance. Set boundaries and stick with them to get the abuser off of your back. And lastly, don’t be afraid to report this workplace verbal abuse or other types of bullying to your supervisors.
