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Toby at Work
The workplace verbal abuse story you are about to read is purely fictional.
In a down economy where jobs were scarce, Toby was recently hired by a large IT firm. He was grateful for the opportunity to work. Even though he had plenty of experience, and confidence in himself, there were a lot of others vying for the same postion.
It wasn’t long before the boss, started talking down to him and treating him as if he didn’t know anything. Toby wasn’t accustomed to being talked to in that manner, especially in front of his co-workers. He decided to watch and learn to see if this was a common practice for his boss to treat everyone like that or was he singled out.
He put up with this workplace verbal abuse, and shook it off every day after work. After all, the job paid well and it was supporting himself and his family.
After about a month of this verbal abuse, Toby had just about enough. He told his boss that he needed to talk with him privately about a matter that concerned the two of them and a time of 8 a.m. the following morning was agreed upon. However when 8 a.m. the next morning drew near,…
Can you fill in the rest of the fictional story above with some of your own circumstances?
Even though Toby is a made up character in a made up story, most of us can go back in time or look at our present situation and realize that we were targets of verbal abuse.
There will occassionally be co-workers, managers and company owners that you don’t necessarily agree with or see eye to eye on certain company projects or procedures, but when you put workplace verbal abuse in the mix, then the line gets crossed.
Every working adult has known a boss or co-worker who loves making other workers squirm, whose moods radiate throughout the office or factory, causing workers to duck for cover. This persons voice causes your stomach to knot up and your heartrate and blood pressure to go through the roof.
Workplace verbal abuse can come about when your boss or co-workers invade your personal spaces, begin spreading unsubstantiated rumors and just outright harassing you for no good reason. This type of abuse doesn’t always come in an obvious package of ranting, screaming and yelling. It also shows it’s ugly head in under tones used, snide remarks, inuendos, insults made in a “joking” manner in front of others and more. Keep in mind this is still verbal abuse and no one should be treated that way.
First, verbal abuse sometimes starts off in a small way, such as a ”correction” or a small ridicule spoken every once in a while. From there it escalates into correcting you in a loud voice in front of others, downgrading your work, making remarks about your personal life in meetings and much more. Some try to just ignore it, do their job and at the end of the day, go home and try to leave it at work. But left unaddressed, workplace verbal abuse will ruin your health, both physically and mentally and cause you to be unsure of yourself and your abilities. Eventually this type of treatment will run over into your personal life and before you know it…you’re being verbally abusive to your family and friends.
Second, when this workplace verbal harassment continues to escalate on a continuous basis, there is only one thing to do. You need to make a decision that now is the time to take a stand for yourself and put a stop to the abuse once and for all.
Before things go to far and you feel like the harassment is starting to get out of hand, confront your boss or co-worker about it directly. Maybe you said or did something that they have misunderstood or misconstrued. Talking out these issues with your boss or co-worker can, in most cases, be the end of the harassment.
Lets face it though, people don’t like confrontation!
One of the most common forms of delaying confrontation with a verbally abusive person at work remains the old fashioned gripe session. This gripe session entails sharing the misery with others that are also being verbally abused and even though it doesn’t stop the abuse it can make everyone feel a little better and could ultimately lead up to be a first step of response to the abuse.
Experts who study workplace verbal abuse within large organizations like factories or hospitals find that some of these gripe sessions may turn into some pretty effective and organized ways to stop the verbal harassment when several or more workers are united and trust the company’s leadership to hear their cases.
If standing up to the abuser and talking with them one on one doesn’t work and the workplace verbal abuse persists, the next step is to get their supervisor or manager involved in finding a resolution to the situation. Let the supervisor or even someone from the Human Resources Department mediate with the two parties to try to fix the problem to everyone’s satisfaction.
Explain to them what has happened, giving exact examples of how you are being verbally abused (keeping emotions out of it) and make it clear they understand that you tried to go directly to the abuser without gaining any positive results.
Once you have informed the proper people of this abuse, you have done your part and it should be left to your supervisor’s discretion as to how to deal with your abuser.
If the abusers’ constant verbal attacks are serious it may call for their immediate termination. If this is the case, be prepared for some backlash from both the abuser and their friends, especially if your boss or co-worker was well liked.
Sometimes, it’s easier to transfer to another department within your company or to simply get up and leave the company for another job rather than deal with any more workplace verbal abuse.
When you maintain a strong and determined personality, and able to stand up against workplace verbal abuse or any other kind of workplace intimidation, you may just win the abuse game by constantly killing them with kindness, but, if it is too emotionally draining on you, to deal with the abuse on a constant basis, then starting fresh is usually the best choice.
